Yesterday I needed to post some letters and so walked into Rickmansworth to do so. Whilst there I thought I'd have a coffee and seeing that Caffe Nero was full to overflowing, I decided to go to Costa.
I ordered my coffee and sat down.
A very glamorous couple were behind me - well you'd think they were glamorous, I saw them as a right berk and a snobby cow, but you get my drift (who the fuck goes to Rickmansworth for a coffee dressed in their Sunday best???).
The man and woman sat down and shortly thereafter the Costa lawyer carried over their hot food.
Now anyone who has eaten at Costa will know that for some strange reason they do not warm ones toastie to a sensible eating temperature, they superheat it to a point where it is initially untouchable unless you have asbestos gloves and certainly should not come into contact with human skin.
Supercool daddyo (wearing fucking sunglasses of all things) clearly didn't know this and got stuck right in. Needless to say I was watching with great interest.
What happened next was priceless.
He bit into the toastie and the look of grave concern on his face made it clear he knew immediately he'd made a very major mistake.
Normal people would have just spat it out, but he was clearly too cool for such an action.
What he did was half bite the toastie in an attempt to sever just a tiny bit. What happened was that he ended up pulling one of the super heated bits of ham from the sandwich along with some super heated cheese which then swung from the toastie onto his chin.
This caused a very severe commotion with him totally losing his cool, his sunglasses and his dignity as he wildly thrashed at his now quite severely scalded face. Mrs Snobby Bitch looked very annoyed.
Once he'd removed the superheated food from his face he had a quite angry red mark where it has adhered to him.
He wanted nothing more to do with his clearly malevolent food and pushed it away.
I cried with laughter much to his annoyance.
The lessons here are:
1. Never attempt to eat a Costa toastie until it has cooled down for at least five minutes.
2. Take off your sunglasses before you go into Costa in Rickmansworth.
3. Super heated ham and cheese hurts like hell when stuck to a human face.
4. Once your sunglasses have hit the deck and the lens are scratched, no amount of surreptitious rubbing will get the scratch off.
2. Take off your sunglasses before you go into Costa in Rickmansworth.
3. Super heated ham and cheese hurts like hell when stuck to a human face.
4. Once your sunglasses have hit the deck and the lens are scratched, no amount of surreptitious rubbing will get the scratch off.
