No, this is not a euphemism, it's an experiment that I tried many years ago with quite spectacular results.
Aged about 21, I had a girlfriend (who became my wife) 15 years my senior and thus quite mature.
I clearly was not.
One day at her apartment I decided to "capture" a fart in the bath and set about soaking the very plush egyptian cotton flannel ready for action.
I then farted underneath the flannel, captured it and made a sort of flannel balloon around it.
I then squeezed whilst smelling and realised that close up, and maybe filtered through a damp flannel, a fart is a very nasty thing indeed.
What I hadn't allowed for was the hideous smell left on the flannel.
Easy I thought, that will wash out and I set about washing it with the palmolve soap bar also provided.
No way was that smell coming out.
I had a little panic and then thought I will have to confess.
And so there was this slightly awkward conversation:
Peter: I've conducted a small experiment that has had some rather unexpected results.
First Wife: Oh yes, what's that then?
Peter: I've farted into your flannel and now it smells of shit!
First Wife (with look of stunned amazement on her face): You did what?
Peter: I've farted into your flannel and now it smells of shit!!
First Wife: Why?
Peter: I wanted to see how smelly it was.
First Wife: How smelly was it?
Peter: Very.
First Wife: Just chuck it in the washing basket then.
Peter: That's where the experiment has gone wrong, I think the smell might not come out.
First Wife: Oh.
The smell never did come out and I've never farted into a flannel since.
Aged about 21, I had a girlfriend (who became my wife) 15 years my senior and thus quite mature.
I clearly was not.
One day at her apartment I decided to "capture" a fart in the bath and set about soaking the very plush egyptian cotton flannel ready for action.
I then farted underneath the flannel, captured it and made a sort of flannel balloon around it.
I then squeezed whilst smelling and realised that close up, and maybe filtered through a damp flannel, a fart is a very nasty thing indeed.
What I hadn't allowed for was the hideous smell left on the flannel.
Easy I thought, that will wash out and I set about washing it with the palmolve soap bar also provided.
No way was that smell coming out.
I had a little panic and then thought I will have to confess.
And so there was this slightly awkward conversation:
Peter: I've conducted a small experiment that has had some rather unexpected results.
First Wife: Oh yes, what's that then?
Peter: I've farted into your flannel and now it smells of shit!
First Wife (with look of stunned amazement on her face): You did what?
Peter: I've farted into your flannel and now it smells of shit!!
First Wife: Why?
Peter: I wanted to see how smelly it was.
First Wife: How smelly was it?
Peter: Very.
First Wife: Just chuck it in the washing basket then.
Peter: That's where the experiment has gone wrong, I think the smell might not come out.
First Wife: Oh.
The smell never did come out and I've never farted into a flannel since.
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