I have a brilliant new idea for a TV programme that I hereby gift to anyone who'd like to use it.
It's to be called "Having it off with Kim Shadian" and it contains part contest, part TV reality show and some soft porn thrown in.
Basically what will happen is that five mindless cretins will be selected from a queue of people claiming they can sing and whisked off to LA where they will in turn have sex with Kim Shadian.
Whilst having sex, they will be filmed, in soft focus, as a bald green-grocer laughs furiously at them all the time shouting loudly "sex doesn't get much tougher than this".
Kim will then rate the five and the three highest scorers go into the final.
The two losers are flown back to the UK where they have to stand at the back of the queue to await their time for ritual humiliation at the hands of Cowell and his vicious band of thugs.
The three finalists will then be interviewed by Mr and Mrs Shadian assisted by a band of friends and hangers on. The essential quality being sought here is complete and utter stupidity.
The winner gets to marry Kim Shadian on a Friday afternoon in Vegas and then gets to spend a whole weekend being humiliated for not being rich by the Shadian clan. On Sunday evening it is back to Vegas to get a divorce and a plane back to Blighty.
Kim gets even more fame and thus money and all three finalists get a free medical check and a place in whatever singing contest they would like be useless in.
Views?
It's to be called "Having it off with Kim Shadian" and it contains part contest, part TV reality show and some soft porn thrown in.
Basically what will happen is that five mindless cretins will be selected from a queue of people claiming they can sing and whisked off to LA where they will in turn have sex with Kim Shadian.
Whilst having sex, they will be filmed, in soft focus, as a bald green-grocer laughs furiously at them all the time shouting loudly "sex doesn't get much tougher than this".
Kim will then rate the five and the three highest scorers go into the final.
The two losers are flown back to the UK where they have to stand at the back of the queue to await their time for ritual humiliation at the hands of Cowell and his vicious band of thugs.
The three finalists will then be interviewed by Mr and Mrs Shadian assisted by a band of friends and hangers on. The essential quality being sought here is complete and utter stupidity.
The winner gets to marry Kim Shadian on a Friday afternoon in Vegas and then gets to spend a whole weekend being humiliated for not being rich by the Shadian clan. On Sunday evening it is back to Vegas to get a divorce and a plane back to Blighty.
Kim gets even more fame and thus money and all three finalists get a free medical check and a place in whatever singing contest they would like be useless in.
Views?
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