A brilliant business idea and one that I hereby gift to the first greedy multinational to snap it up.

In air travel there exists the idea of the Fast track, quicker checking in, quicker passport control and quicker boarding.

I’d like to suggest to Starbucks, Costa or Caffe Nero that they introduce such a thing to their coffee shops here in Britain.

The idea being that if, for instance a cup of normal black coffee is £1.80, there will be a line where you can have the same thing for £2.50

The premium price brings with it certain benefits chief amongst them is a shorter queue by virtue of:

1. 1.     All transaction will take place in English – with native English speakers so that (like Direct Line in the Insurance world) Johnny English is speaking to Johnny English. A clear understanding of what is being said means fewer instances of “I’m sorry? Can you repeat that?”
2. 2.     All stuff is ordered and provided in plain English, thus a black coffee becomes a black coffee and not “American, would you like milk with that?” No, fuck off, it’s a black coffee. Not having to go thru this ridiculous charade every time I can a hot drink would save hours if not days of my life.
3. 3.     No upselling. I don’t want to be offered anything other than what I have ordered at the checkout. Do these people think I am so open to suggestion that having walked past a whole phalanx of cakes, and declined them, I am going to be persuaded to now have one by a foreign gentleman/lady? NO!!
4. 4.     Finally, the change from my fiver/tenner will be placed in my hand FOLLOWED by the other notes and/or receipt not the other way around so that the change falls all over the place.

It the above were to be provided, I might even be inclined to put my change in the begging bowl that Costa staff use to bulk out their no doubt meagre wages.