It is understandable that with English as a third language the Johnnys in Caffe Nero don’t do grammar, so I help them.

A small but minor victory in Caffe Nero in Rickmansworth today.

My friend, Simon, arrived at the car park at the same time as me and he was able to witness the “fuck you, you’re just a customer” approach to being locked out in the rain by the Caffe Nero bastards.

I am sure that up to this point he thought I was exaggerating, but they did to both of us what they normally do to me!

He got the first round and I got the second and third.

In getting the second round I had a slight verbal scuffle with one of the Johnnys, a new one and not Eastern European from what I could ascertain.

I ordered, he got the order wrong, I corrected him (with good grace I might add), he got it wrong again, I corrected him (with slightly less good grace this time), he presented me with my tray of stuff and followed it up with this:

Caffe Nero Johnny: That’ll be £5.50 please.

Me: When?

CNJ: Sorry?

Me: When will it be £5.50?

CNJ: Well now.

Me: So in fact it IS £5.50!

CNJ: Yes.

Me: Well please say so in future as when you say “that’ll be”, you are suggesting that this is something that is going to be happening in the future.

CNJ: Sorry?

Me: Not to worry, how much is it?

CNJ: £5.50.

Me: That’s better!