I'm going to tug at your dressing gown until one of us falls over.

Because of the Olympics, I am watching far more sport on TV than I normally would, and a great more variety.

As such, amongst other things, I have been watching the Kung Fu and "take one why don't you".

Now I know in the spirit of the Olympics, people are not supposed to get hurt but when Jean Claude Van Damme does Kung Fu, people get chopped in the throat, kicked in the face/groin and generally duffed up rather significantly.

What I've seen in the last week or can best be described as clothes ruffling.

They stand about and tug away at each others dressing gowns until one of them falls over. They then bow to each other and have another go.

So in the vein that all things must progress or die here is what I propose for the next Olympics:

1.     Tie pulling.

2.     Cardigan stretching.

3.     Wedgie giving.

4.     Shoe scuffing.

Now I know that if any Kung-Fu merchants see this they'll probably kick my face off, and may even get Dan to come around to my place and chop a fly in half.

They'll claim that to ruffle my jimjams takes years of dedication and that they could kill me if they wanted, to which my answer is, go on then.

But give me thirty minutes notice as I usually wear shorts and a t-shirt at home and I'll need time to get dressed.

Or, just send me an email and I'll send you some clothes that you can take outside and rough up without me in them.