Excuse me love, but there appears to be Elmlea all over you.

In Tesco Metro on Saturday afternoon going on early evening, I was witness to a splendid event.

My local Tesco Metro is also an Esso petrol station and is thus always pretty busy.

It is also dead in the centre of a fairly chavvy area and thus always has more than its fair share of chavs and ne'er do wells.

I had been sent to B&Q to get some stuff and so decided that the easiest way to get my beer for dinner was at Tesco Metro as it shares a car park with B&Q.

In the queue at the tills before me were two petrol buyers and two chav groups. Have you noticed that chavs nearly always travel in packs?

The chavs directly in front of were clearly Mum and Daughter and daughter was regaling Mum with stories of Dave's recent violent conduct for which he has been arrested, again! From what I could gather Dave is her boyfriend and the violence ensued when "this geezer looked at me all funny like".

The chavs were called up to pay for their stuff (I have also noticed that chavs do buy a lot of stuff in smaller stores).

As their stuff was being scanned Mrs Chav would hand the stuff to her daughter who would stuff it into a carrier bag.

One item, a carton of something called Elmlea missed the bag and plummeted straight to the floor whereupon it split open with a degree of vigour that suggested the contents may well have been explosive.

The stuff from the carton marked Elmlea which looked like white emulsion paint, splashed all over the place but in particular all over Mrs Chavs Ugg boots. Have you also noticed that chavs love their Uggs, almost as much as they like their Superdry clothing.

Well Mrs Chav let out a yelp shook her right foot (the one covered in Elmlea emulsion) and hopped. She hopped straight into the puddle of Elmlea whereupon she did a comedy skid and went down like a felled log.

By now of course I was helpless with tears of laughter, so much so that I could not hear the bloke at the till, who was by now actually shouting above the general brouhaha "Next customer please".

I presented my three beers for £5, still wetting myself a which point he started to giggle furiously as well.

They may not contribute much in tax, but the chavs are worth their weight in gold at times.