Can you get me a coffee please you cretin.

Costa, 6:45 this morning, Uxbridge.

Three people in queue, Cretin, Peter, Startled Onlooker.

Other participants in the charade: two Johnny Lawyers.

Cretin to Johnny Lawyer #1: Can I get a latte?

Peter to Cretin: Oh, it's self service is it, splendid, get me a black coffee whilst you are there.

Johnny Lawyer #1 to Peter: Can I serve this gentleman first please?

Cretin to Peter: Sorry?

Peter to both Cretin and Johnnie Lawyer #1: He just asked if he can get his coffee, he may as well get mine whilst he is doing so.

Johnnie Lawyer #2 to Peter: What can I get you?

Peter to Johnny Lawyer #2: No need mate, he's (pointing at Cretin) getting it.

Cretin, Johnny Lawyer #1 and #2 all look confused.

Peter to JL #'1, JL#2 and Cretin: Look, you (pointing at Cretin) can't get a coffee, you may have one, but Johnny here has to get it for you. The correct way to respond when either of the Johnnys asks what you would like is, please may I have a latte, not CAN I have because of course you can, and most certainly not GET. That is the job of Johnny here.

Startled onlooker to Peter mostly, but to the whole group: He's right, you know that really pisses me off when people say can I get instead of may I have.

Me to Startled Onlooker: Thank you, I often think it is just me! Would you like a coffee on me, Johnny will get it for you!

A moment went by at which point JL#1 gave Cretin his latte and JL#2 served SO and Peter.

A small victory for common sense but I am not sure that either JL 1 or 2, and most certainly not Cretin really understood the exchange. At least SO did and that means there are at least two of us in the world!