What type of Range Rover driver are you, a knob head or a complete knob head?

The question comes from a brief chat I had with a neighbour of mine when we were both having our cars polished by the local Bosnians.

What in fact happened was that I saw this cretin, he has an Audi S3 and insists on driving up our tiny little road at high speed, at the Bosnians so decided to approach him.

So seeing him, I could not resist, so I ambled up to him and this is what happened:

Me: Hello mate, my wife reckons you are a bit of a c**t for the way you drive, I told her no, you are a complete c**t.

Him: huh?

Me: I reckon I'm right!

And that was it, I still feel I am right and the boss is cutting him too much slack.

Anyway, the same question came to me last weekend at the GP.

Several caravans had been carted into the camp-site attached to Range Rovers. Not Land Rovers of course as they are real, but to be precise the Range Rover Sport and the full on Range Rover.

Both variants are driven by knob heads, the main difference being the Sport is driven by poor people who could not afford a proper Range Rover.

Both types however nearly always appear to be in the hands of: scrap metal merchants, drug dealers, footballers or criminals.

You'll see the thread; none of these are, broadly speaking, blessed with a great deal of intelligence.

So at the camp-site, where everything bar tractors is getting stuck in the mud, two particularly silly billies decided that they'd be able to defy the basic rules of the game, and power their way of out the mud towing very heavy caravans.

The first, a Sport driver and thus the poor relation got stuck and had to be towed out (backwards as he didn't know where his tow ring was!) at which point the tractor driver offered the full on RR a drag.

He rather splendidly announced that as he had a "proper" RR, he'd be fine.

Now it's not like he had an Overfinch, or a full on RR equipped with off road tyres, no what he has was a normal, top of the range, RR with huge wide road tyres.

He even had difficulty of getting his RR reversed onto the caravan, but when he did he tried to pull away.

He didn't even move an inch. What happened was, all four tyres spun like big black Catherine wheels.

What did silly bollocks do in response to this, you get it, he floored it.

More spinning and mud going all over his pristine caravan.

And these people are allowed out on their own??

It was a really brilliant event and had me moist eyed with laughter.

This event was eclipsed by just one other event that happened on the Sunday evening whilst I was sitting in the porch to my tent with a rather large Noilly Prat.

Range Rover (Discovery) with father and son inside and caravan attached to back got bogged down, right in front of me.

Bit of wheel spinning before father realises he is going nowhere so they waited for the tractor.

Tractor arrived, hooked up to the front of the Disco and pulled. Both Disco and caravan moved about a foot before the caravan fell off of the towing hook and dug itself deep into the mud.

I very nearly wet myself and watched as both father and son frostily set about fixing things up! Son had originally hooted with laughter at the event but from what I could gather it was his fault!

Splendid stuff.