Consultants

Why does Costa employ the most stupid lawyers in the whole world?

Costa was 10 minutes late opening this morning, due to the grinder not working.

So my first coffee tasted like shit. I took it back and the dimwitted lawyer just made another one, which also tasted like shit, so I took that back.

She was just about to do the same again, when I reminded her that unless she did something different, I'd be bringing that one back also.

I had to explain, that to continue to do the same thing and expect a different result, was a sign of insanity. Fix the grinder, I said, I'll wait. She looked like I had explained the meaning of life! Holy bloody cow, these wankers get to vote!

So, having finally got a workable coffee, I sat down to do my crosswords and maths puzzles. Then came my moment of sublime happiness. Mr. Twatty Amex, remember him, came up to me and in his nylon anorak, nasally voice, said, "You shouldn't do that you know".

I looked up and said, "I'm sorry, were you talking to me?"

"Yes" he said, "you shouldn’t do that, Costa buy the newspapers for everyone to read".

"Fuck off" I said.

"I'm sorry,” he said, "That's OK" I said, "Now fuck off".

He started to bluster whereupon I had to inform him that I buy my newspaper every day, and can therefore do what I like with it, and could he please fuck off.

He looked a little confused.

I was very happy to have been able to tell a consultant to fuck off!