Tesco and the two bags drama.

Mostly, I do the shopping in our household, not because I am particularly helpful nor a "new man", it is just so.

My local store is Tesco in Larkfield; second choice is Sainsbury in Aylesford and final choice (if I decide I'd prefer to waste money) Waitrose in Allington.

Given we are a family of four adults, my weekly shopping bill at Tesco is in the region of £250, so I am a regular and knowledgeable visitor.

I have to think that the management dimwits at my local Tesco have been taking lessons from the management dimwits at Costa.

This weekend I did a supplementary shop, but still had a full belt of shopping for the woman (she was a woman, so I am not being sexist, merely accurate) to scan through.

So imagine the scene, shopping on belt, woman in middle, Peter to the right ready to pack.

Woman: Do you want help packing?

Me: No thanks; my arms are working perfectly today so I'll have a stab at it myself.

Woman: Ugh?

Me: No thanks.

Woman: Do you need bags?

Me: (already getting tetchy as we go through this bloody charade every bloody time) Yes please as I don't think it's going to fit into my pockets, do you?

Woman blanks Peter totally and hands me TWO carrier bags and starts to scan the product.

Me: May I have some bags please?

Woman: You have two.

Me: That's not enough, look at my shopping, what do you think?

Woman: I am only allowed to give out two bags at once.

Me: Why?

Woman: I don't know.

Me: Call a supervisor please.

Woman presses alarm light, and tries to start scanning product again.

Me: Stop that please, I need some bags first.

Woman: You have two!

Me: Stop saying that, two is not enough.

Woman: When you have used those two, I can give you some more.

Peter double bags the two bags he's been given, to hold the wine that Woman has already scanned.

Me: There, I've run out of bags, may I have some more.

Supervisor turns up and asks: What's the problem?

Woman: This man wants more than two bags!!! (Said like I had asked to have sex with her grandmother)

Supervisor: Our policy is to hand out only those bags that are needed for the shopper to bag up all of their purchases.

Me: Can you see what is on the belt? You think that is going to fit into two bags?

Supervisor: No sir, but our instructions are to hand out only two bags at a time.

Me: Ah ha, the old "I'm only doing as I am told" ploy eh? Can you call the manager?

We all stood in total silence for about two minutes whilst the manager was summoned on the tannoy.

Manager to supervisor: What's the problem?

Supervisor to manager: This gentleman wants more than two bags at one time!

Before this madness could go any further I addressed the manager directly.

Me: Look, I can see you are in management by your uniform and as a manager myself, I know that you almost certainly know less about running this shop than my daughter does, all I need you to do is to tell this Woman to give me more than two bags so I can complete my shopping and contribute to your massive annual profit! How difficult is that to understand???

Manager: Sure, give him as many bags as he needs.

Me: But not two at a time please!

Manager: No, not two at a time!

Woman is now looking at me like I am the devil's first born child, and gave me about four bags, at which I insisted she gave me more.

After about sixteen I allowed her to scan and I packed.

Easy you see, all these cretins have to do is to remember who pays their bloody wages!